Fic: Counting
Nov. 15th, 2002 07:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
galaxysoupFANDOM: Stargate SG-1
RATING: PG
CAEGORY: Humor
SUMMARY: No plot, no point, but hopefully not utter drivel. Daniel’s angry, and this time it’s going to take more than counting to ten.
SPOILERS: None that I noticed.
AUTHOR'S NOTE UPON REPOSTING: Oh, God, I can't believe I wrote this. Oh, God, I can't believe I'm admitting to having written this.
COUNTING
Daniel regarded Jack with an air of utter calm that was somehow much worse than screaming and shouting.
"Jack?" he said calmly.
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Could you come back in a few minutes? I think I need to calm down." He smiled. An iceberg would have been warmer.
Jack put on his best Innocent Face. "Sure Daniel, no problem. Going to count to ten?"
"No, actually I thought I'd start with the last pharaoh of Egypt and go backwards until I got to the first dynasty." He smiled again. "Takes more concentration," he added conspiratorially.
"Sounds good," Jack agreed jovially. "I'll just wait downstairs, then."
Daniel patted him on the shoulder. "Good idea, Jack. I'll see you in a few minutes."
Jack winked at him and sauntered downstairs. Carter looked at him askance.
"How did it go?"
"Oh, no problem." He sat down at the kitchen table.
There was a long pause.
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"How many pharaohs were there?"
"You mean in Egypt?"
"There were pharaohs in other countries too?"
"Good point. I'm not sure."
There was another pause.
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"How many dynasties?"
"In Egypt?"
Jack raised one eyebrow.
"Thirty, I think."
Jack covered his face with his hands. "Yep, he's pissed."
"Well, maybe not. I mean, this is Daniel. He doesn't get angry."
"He does now."
There was another pause.
"Backwards or forwards?"
"What?"
"Did he threaten to recite them backwards or forwards?"
"Backwards."
"He's gonna kill us," Carter observed optimistically.
"Yep."
"Slowly."
"Yep."
"I'm never going to see my next birthday."
"Nope."
"Neither are you."
"Nope."
"Oh well, it's been a good life."
"Yep."
"I wonder if he knows how to use a ribbon device."
"Isn't that impossible?"
"Well, theoretically you have to have naquadah in your blood to use one, but if you were angry enough, I don't know-I mean, willpower might have a lot to do with it, and if he's really resorted to reciting the pharaohs backwards-"
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"Shut up."
"Mmmph."
"Thanks."
FINIS
RATING: PG
CAEGORY: Humor
SUMMARY: No plot, no point, but hopefully not utter drivel. Daniel’s angry, and this time it’s going to take more than counting to ten.
SPOILERS: None that I noticed.
AUTHOR'S NOTE UPON REPOSTING: Oh, God, I can't believe I wrote this. Oh, God, I can't believe I'm admitting to having written this.
COUNTING
Daniel regarded Jack with an air of utter calm that was somehow much worse than screaming and shouting.
"Jack?" he said calmly.
"Yes, Daniel?"
"Could you come back in a few minutes? I think I need to calm down." He smiled. An iceberg would have been warmer.
Jack put on his best Innocent Face. "Sure Daniel, no problem. Going to count to ten?"
"No, actually I thought I'd start with the last pharaoh of Egypt and go backwards until I got to the first dynasty." He smiled again. "Takes more concentration," he added conspiratorially.
"Sounds good," Jack agreed jovially. "I'll just wait downstairs, then."
Daniel patted him on the shoulder. "Good idea, Jack. I'll see you in a few minutes."
Jack winked at him and sauntered downstairs. Carter looked at him askance.
"How did it go?"
"Oh, no problem." He sat down at the kitchen table.
There was a long pause.
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"How many pharaohs were there?"
"You mean in Egypt?"
"There were pharaohs in other countries too?"
"Good point. I'm not sure."
There was another pause.
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"How many dynasties?"
"In Egypt?"
Jack raised one eyebrow.
"Thirty, I think."
Jack covered his face with his hands. "Yep, he's pissed."
"Well, maybe not. I mean, this is Daniel. He doesn't get angry."
"He does now."
There was another pause.
"Backwards or forwards?"
"What?"
"Did he threaten to recite them backwards or forwards?"
"Backwards."
"He's gonna kill us," Carter observed optimistically.
"Yep."
"Slowly."
"Yep."
"I'm never going to see my next birthday."
"Nope."
"Neither are you."
"Nope."
"Oh well, it's been a good life."
"Yep."
"I wonder if he knows how to use a ribbon device."
"Isn't that impossible?"
"Well, theoretically you have to have naquadah in your blood to use one, but if you were angry enough, I don't know-I mean, willpower might have a lot to do with it, and if he's really resorted to reciting the pharaohs backwards-"
"Carter?"
"Yes sir?"
"Shut up."
"Mmmph."
"Thanks."
FINIS
